Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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