my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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