there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
