I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
