I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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