After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
