Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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