i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
