Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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