He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
