u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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