yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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