the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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