My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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