i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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