if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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