dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
