It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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