Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
