and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
