I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
