Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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