It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
