How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
