i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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