I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
