No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
