The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
