There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
