He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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