Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
