I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize