You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
