My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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