Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
