My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
