My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
