you're like a bully in the Christmas story
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
