well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
