Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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