We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
