Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She tied me up with her honor cords...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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