I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
