just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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