i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
