My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
