Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
