he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm both gender and math confused
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
