I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
