i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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