real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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