I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you had me at cake vodka
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
