you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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