the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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