If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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