The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
