dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize