just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
