Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
