Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
