OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize