4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
