Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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