I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
