I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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