I want to walk on stilts...naked
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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