The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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