Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize