A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
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