she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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